I write you today regarding the quality of the Classic Fit Solid Wool Trouser, and how it failed me.

I had originally bought these pants to replace a pair that were destroyed when my cat, Thunderpaws, decided to describe to me his disapproval of my wardrobe choices. Apparently,  he doesn’t appreciate “power clashing”.

But Thunderpaws isn’t the point, you see, my friends, last week was my presentation for the big account.  We’ve worked on this account for the entire year, graphing dynamic cashflow projections and strategic synergistic revenue opportunities, and reaching consensus about tactical committees. I wore my Classic Fit Solid Wool Trousers because I wanted to “Dress to Impress,” and they’re the best pants that I own. That classic fit, sitting slightly below the waist, but then straight through the thigh,  and tailored through the leg is exactly what I would need.

All my other high quality pants were lost when my neighbor took them all off the clothesline in my backyard and threw them in the alley. By the time I noticed the garbage truck had driven over and soaked them with “trash juice”. Needless to say, they were ruined; no amount of organic dry cleaning or vinegar would ever clean them again (I only use vinegar because of chemicals).

The boss finished his introduction, explaining how our company vertically integrates optimized Six-Sigma solutions, when I feel a cold breeze run across my backside. Just as the Boss announces me, I reach down, and to my horror, find the buttock seam had ripped out of the Classic Fit Solid Wool Trouser. With cold sweat stinging my eyes, I keep my back to the wall and walk up to the front of the room, toward my waiting PowerPoint presentation. I click the remote, and the first slide “spins” into view, as if from infinity.

The first line flips into view, “Market Share Capitalization: $30m,” I read, “Market Segments” clicks onto the screen like a typewriter. The presentation is going well, I realize, the audience loves my side transitions and those “Lole Cats” really dress it up. Confidently, I conclude and walk back to take my seat.

Our client looks over to the Boss, “That was,” he starts, “Absolutely, the most,” he continues, “Unprofessional presentation I’ve ever seen! How could I give the Big Account over to a company that would do that!” I’m shocked, how could he think such a thing, but, of course, he must have seen my ripped buttock seam. How could I be so cavalier?

Well, the client ended up giving the big account to our rival company. It all worked out though, the Client turned out to deal in import smuggling, and the government put our rival out of business. But that doesn’t address the issue of my pants.

Poor quality fabric and shoddy workmanship has left me exposed for the last time, Banana Republic.  Your Classic Fit Solid Wool Trouser has failed me, and left me less than satisfied.

Sincerely,
Michael Clemson

Well, its another day, so that means CSU gets another $100 million cut, another step in society’s plan to destroy its self more quickly.

Last summer, in a desperate, 11th-hour effort to receive their pay checks, the California Legislature passed the dumbest budget. And because state workers thinking they’re all going get fired once per year apparently isnt enough they included a trigger that would cut additional budgets if the state’s foolishly optimistic projections weren’t met. Which just happened.

Meanwhile, back in Long Beach, some students fired up the old google to find his home address. They decided to protest the Chancellor by singing Christmas Carols outside of his house, presumably annoying the Chancellor into lowering tuition.

The satiric event is, according the organization, an attempt to engage in dialogue — not remain in silence — using caroling as a metaphor that voices can indeed be heard.

The caroling, scheduled to begin today at 4:00pm through 6:00pm, will occur at the Chancellor’s house in Belmont Shore. The organization is expecting 30-40 people to attend.

That is if he’s not still at work, or hanging out at Dogz or Panama Joes.

A couple of weeks ago, in case you don’t follow CSU related news, the Board of Trustees voted to raise tuition 9% next semester. Well, technically speaking, they voted to request an additional $330 million from our good friends in Sacramento giving the Board political cover when they deny the request (“No, the LEGISLATURE raised your fees, everybody!”). But, that’s all just part of the kabuki theater that passes for government in this state.

The UC Board of Regents decided to cancel their meeting, coincidentally scheduled for the same day. That might have turned out to be a good idea, as when the public comment period ran out, and the Board would not vote to support some resolution they couldn’t implement anyway, protesters shut down the meeting with with chanting. Police used pepper spray to clear the building, and protesters shattered one of the glass doors trying to get back in. It looked something like this:

The next day, a faculty strike was planned at two CSU campuses and who-cares-how-many UC campuses. I guess one of them was UC Davis, because this happened:

Now, pretend you don’t know anything else about what happened there (you don’t), which do you helps the cause out more?

On the one hand you have police macing people trying to force their way into a building and on the other an officer making a show of macing people sitting on the sidewalk. 

Most people do not support its use on non-violent protesters, because most people understand this is not a some kind of food product, it is a weapon.

I can tell you that for sure; when the police broke out their pepper spray, some wafted back into the building, burning the eyes and throats of all of us on the first floor (or, as some of my more dramatic colleagues would say, macing us all). And I just got a tiny taste.

So weeks later, where are we?

At the CSU Chancellor’s Office a large sheet of plywood and tarps cover the south door, and the security desk was moved to the side door, presumably ruining the guard’s ability to watch youtube videos. CSU public relations staff thank Pat Brown above, because the UC takes the heat off the CSU. The Board still passed the tuition increases.

In Davis, both the officer involved, John Pike, and the campus police chief have been placed on administrative leave. Chancellor Katehi was forced to make a public apology, and jeered during it. Her authority on campus seems ruined, and, in my opinion, will resign soon.

Which seemed more effective?

Once the door fell apart at CSU, the protesters’ message went with it; it didn’t matter what the message was, the story was now about a violent protest. But, once John Pike pulled out his pepper spray canister, it didn’t matter what else happened on that campus, the story was now about police brutality.

The Occupy movement has been fueled by the oppressive, clumsy, and heavy handed actions of the police forces opposing it. Each time the movement seemed to be fading the police provided excessive force against peaceful protesters; in New York, Oakland, and now Davis.

Police are going to kick the shit out of these protesters regardless of any justification, its just the nature of the times we live in, the protesters cannot fall into the trap of giving police an excuse to.

Good Morning, my name is Michael Clemson, I work here in the Chancellor’s Office, but I come here as a former student.

I won’t rehash the terrible burden that these fee increases put on students, and I won’t rehash the value that affordable and accessible higher education creates for the State of California. There are people here who’s stories tell that better than my numbers can. I am here to say the California State University is being systematically dismantled and destroyed.

Outside, the giant marionettes of the Chancellor hanging high, and signs exploring the curious connection between the word “greed” and Reed show we have inadequately explained where these fee increases come from.

That each year the legislature cuts the university’s budget.

Each year students and faculty descend on the Office of the Chancellor to protest.

And each year we don’t tell the story of why tuitions increase.

That story, of course, is of a state government no longer on our side; Governor Brown ran on a platform of preserving California higher education, and failed to live up to it.

That story is of the 650 million dollar cut that passed with the help of the 26 legislators from districts hosting our universities.

That story is of a system divided; instead of working as a together students and faculty fight against the Chancellors Office. We are forced to defend budget cuts we are not responsible for, while the real fight is against a legislature that no longer sees higher education as a priority for this state.

We need to better tell that story, not just in Trustee meetings, and not just in press releases to newspapers students don’t read. We have to directly engage students, on-campus and in person. We have to explain the challenges we all face together, and how we cannot succeed alone.

We need point to the capitol and unequivocally ask “this is your government, are they truly working for you?”

Something is coming, I dont know what exactly, but even where you can’t see it you can definitely feel it.

Even the New York Times is starting to figure it out.  They go around the world describing a rising movement of young people frustrated by the complete failures of their governments and institutions. But, they dont seem to realize that everything they say about countries around the world applies here too.  They barely mention the Occupy Wall St protest from this self-organization theme.

The ridiculous Tea Party movement in the last couple of years was partially in the same spirit; a reaction to people seeing everything they ever worked for crumbling, except more I-Got-Mine-Go-Fuck-Yourself, and Keep-Government-Out-Of-My-Medicare. The Times covered the shit out of those guys, but the protests in New York are just a bunch of kids, so they cant be taken seriously.

Around the world these demonstrations focus on problems rotting out the core of our societies. We can either solve these fundamental problems with reform, or we can opt out, and failing that I guess we can always riot.

People are realizing that reform is impossible; governments are more interested in exclusively catering to the rich, regardless of who we vote for, basically making our vote irrelevant. Not that people in this country really ever cared about voting to begin with, but at least elections mattered at some point. Now that they lost that legitimacy, that an election can actually change something, a young, hopeless, chronically unemployed mass of people will have to turn somewhere else.

Once the government loses legitimacy they turn to force to maintain authority.

On the heart-breaking site WeAreThe99Percent, (mostly young) people submit photos and stories about how society has failed them. Graduating high school, then college, maybe buying a house, or getting sick has left them with massive debt, and the global economy has left them unemployed.  Its a zeitgeist of everyone I know under 40. Hundreds of different stories, all with the same theme: a lack of hope.

And that’s why these protests are have no apparent focus; People aren’t advocating for a specific reform, or nature preservation, they are asking for a life. Its unfocused because everyone wants something different, something personal.

Meanwhile, as protestors march in the street advocating for their very lives, the masters of Wall St literally watch from the balcony laughing and drinking champagne:

I mean, if you needed a visual metaphor for the last 30 years, there you go. I’m sure they’re up there making snide comments about monopoly macbooks, and wearing clothes from the mall, as if buying their products precludes people from criticizing a massively powerful, corrupt and incompetent industry.

These protests look disorganized because there are no central leaders, the corporate media cannot understand that. The Tea Party had a central committee of Baby Boomers to set the direction, things like just how big the Hitler Moustache on the Obama posters could be, and how many racial slurs would be allowed at rallies. Anyway, despite its grassroots front, they really had massive corporate backing; FOXNews’ media empire backing it and millions of dollars. Hell, that whole damn thing began with a teevee stock broker complaining that the government might bail out people who didnt understand bad mortgages sold to them by people who did.

And so the government cuts, we wouldnt want to raise taxes on those job creators.  Without the Bush/Obama tax cuts, we’d probably have to create millions of new jobs just to get to the point where everyone could be unemployed.

Every one of these cuts that preserves privilege for some at the cost of survival for many chips away at social contract. Without a clear future, or even help from anyone, people have no reason to even bother participating in society, instead choosing to form their own society, opting out.  What is the point of working three jobs at minimum wage, so you can go home and starve and get deeper in debt.  Instead. why not form a community.

That is the hopeful part, that we dont really need that 1%. We can survive without them, probably better than with them. We could just opt out, set up new small scale societies in the marginal parts of abandoned cities and suburbs, and remote wilderness. Authentically living for ourselves, our families and friends.

But then there also a horrible fear, that there is no where else to go, we are trapped. That the best off will continue taking more and more, leaving the rest of us to starve. That these teaming masses of unemployed youth will find some trigger and explode into violence met with repression and spurring on more violence, tearing the whole damn thing down.

A while ago Google announced it made a self-driving car (IT REALLY WORKS!), and ignoring that it looks like a toy from the M.A.S.K. cartoon, there’s still one problem: owning a car isnt about getting somewhere, its about letting everyone on the 91 freeway know you have the biggest dick ever and can never be dominated.

Of course, if there’s one thing that makes Americans uncomfortable it’s thinking about dicks, so no one ever talks about this.  Except for self described comedian Steven Crowder, he loves talking about dicks.  You probably havent heard of Steven Crowder, most likely because he’s the Carlos Mencia for angry old white people; oh, UC Berkeley, its full of hippies, and hippies are weird liberals, and they smell bad!  Next topic: Why is rap music so bad?

Anyway, Steven, through living in liberal dungeon New York City, discovered that the leftists want to take your car away so they can control you. 

“Oh I just don’t think I could live without the subway system, it’s so convenient. I can get anywhere I need to go in the city in a flash.” Right. Or –and follow me on this here– I could live anywhere else in the country, take 3 steps out my front door, get into my car, and drive anywhere on the continent. How’s that for convenience? It would almost seem that –dare I say this– private transportation is more efficient than mass public-transit!

You know, unless there’s traffic, or you cant find parking, or you run out of gas, or you’re drunk, or some other guy runs into you. 

But why do liberals hate your car?

Control. It’s no secret that the environmental movement is ultimately designed to create new inroads into increased government control.  The root of their problem is ultimately your independence.

So, if this really is about control (its not), then why would he give it over to the Machines? Some day soon, he will wake up and realize that his smart car found a shorter way to work, then the Liberals win!

Until then the only thing between standing between tyranny and wonderful smoggy freedom is the Datsun Steven Crowder supposedly drives in New York City.

Chico State has already made the unfortunate decision to build an unnecessary parking structure. Most of the students are against it, so obviously they’re just going to post about it on facebook… wait, after watching 5 years of fee increase protests I can barely believe it myself. Could this be the fabled effectual student protest?

Watch this quaint local news story:

So, why do I like this campaign

The goals are achievable. Unlike the fee increase protest they arent trying to hold back the tide of economic collapse, or trying to disentangle American occupation of Iraq. These problems are much bigger than any one group and will take years of organizing to achieve, but this is what the early stages look like.

Also unlike the fee increase protests, this protest directly pressures the actual decision maker, the Chico State administration, instead of coming here and yelling at me to not build the structure.

The event makes sense. Protesting the war by walking down the sweltering streets of downtown Los Angeles only demonstrates that a lot of people who dont like the war dont really have anything to do on a Sunday morning. Hosting a bike ride to protest a parking structure clearly shows how easy it is to get around downtown Chico without a car (its super easy).  It’s also fun. And that is incredibility important; no one is going to join your campaign built around guilt and misery, sorry guys.

They have the support of engaged students. The organizers, brilliantly, held a referendum that showed 76% of students who bothered to vote did not support the structure. They can, and should often, hold that vote up and say “we dont need this.”  All the administration can do is pat them on the head and say they know better.

Now, what could they do from here?

Whatever they talk about in private - dismantling international capitalism, student-run universities, or whatever - stay on message; this is about a parking structure. Just a parking structure, and nothing else.  If you try to protest everything, you protest nothing.

Universities hate bad press, even if it is just the local news that no one watches. Keeping them involved keeps that pressure on. Local media seems to love this kind of shit anyway.

Students should frame the argument as a question of representation; the Administration represents the students, who clearly don’t want this to happen.  The question that’s asked shouldnt be whether another parking structure is needed (its not), but about making decisions on behalf of students that students dont agree with.

Similarly, administrators and politicians expect students to normally not give a shit about what they do, but then to be raging firebreathers when they do. So when a group of young people comes in and respectfully, intelligently, and succinctly explain their position, and back it up with action, the administration doesnt really know what to do.

Of course, the structure will be built. Construction has already started, and the gears of the California State University turn slowly, but once they start they move at with unstoppable force.

However, Chico has two more parking structures in the Master Plan.  This round of protest organizes students, who should gain valuable experience. It also provides the sting of defeat. As long as it’s handled properly and doesnt become a debilitating defeat, it could motivate students in the next round, and prevent their campus from being surrounded by parking structures, kind of like CSU Long Beach.

Right now, outside the CSU Chancellor’s Office, some students and faculty are protesting some kind of partial Board of Trustee committee meeting or something. Of course by protesting, I mean milling around the courtyard.  It doesn’t matter how ineffectual the protest is here; the decision to cut funding doesn’t come from here.

Monday, the LA Times reported that, for the first time, the University of California would be majority privately funded, which is to say, mostly funded by student fees. That puts the tuition bill at $13,000 per year, on par with luminary institutions such as The University of Michigan at Ann Arbor, or the University of Texas at Austin.

Meanwhile, UC’s scrappy, neglected cousin, CSU has seen similar cuts and fee increases, and while they are not quite yet majority privately-funded, you just wait a few years.

Despite what you might think, Chancellor Reed didnt call up Jerry Brown’s jitterbug and ask for a $650 million cut.  No, ol’ C-Bass actually lobbied for more funding, almost as if he didnt want the system he has chancelled for the last 13 years to fall apart under his administration.

But the Governor signed the budget anyway.

Ok, fine you guys, protest the at CO.  I really am glad you come down here, and sit in boring Trustee meetings, and eat your Subway sandwiches, and wear chicken costumes.  I really am glad that you’re participating, but dont think this will work.  It’s been tried before, many times, at bigger protests, hell, UC students have taken over buildings, and fees still get cut.

Don’t think this will work while you support the people who cut the budget.

I saw a guy down stairs wearing a California Faculty Association shirt down stairs, I wanted to ask him, “Who did CFA support for Governor last year?” (Hint: it wasn’t billionaire Meg Whitman)

You know who voted for the budget bill, or even sponsored it, and you know who signed it, and you keep voting for them.

You know why Republicans won’t pass anything that doesn’t deport minorities and cut taxes on the rich? Because if they dont their insane base votes them out of office.  Dont believe me? Just look at the Republican presidential primary.

But your faculty and student unions continue support Democrats, regardless of how many social institutions they destroy, how often they raise your fees. Then they have you beat your head up against the glass doors of the Chancellor’s Office.  At some point don’t you wonder why you’re bleeding?

And by “poors” I mean “people making less than $106,800 a year,” or, alternatively, “you.”

Last year, Republicans in Congress threw Obama a bone, agreeing to a compromise, cutting payroll taxes 2% in exchange for massive tax cuts for the wealthy, because those are equal.

The awful payroll tax cuts are set to expire at the end of the year, and Obama wants to extend them, presumably to bankrupt Social Security once and for all, but the Republicans are surprisingly against it.

So what could make a Tax-and-Spend liberal from these otherwise steadfast Spend-and-Spend conservatives? A bunch of things!

Apparently, these are temporary tax cuts:

“We don’t need short-term gestures. We need long-term fundamental changes in our tax structure and our regulatory structure that people who create jobs can rely on,” said Sen. Lamar Alexander, R-Tenn.

And I guess they are fiscally irresponsible:

“It’s always a net positive to let taxpayers keep more of what they earn,” says Rep. Jeb Hensarling, “but not all tax relief is created equal for the purposes of helping to get the economy moving again.”

So to a Republican a $120 billion fiscally irresponsible temporary tax cut so people can buy bread is totally better than a $700 billion fiscally irresponsible temporary tax cut so people can buy more gold plated seat belt buckles for private jets.

Of course, that was never really the point.  You dont deserve a tax cut.  Besides the fact that dont have enough money to anonymously donate to a shadowy conservative PAC, you dont actually do anything of value. 

“But I sit in a cubicle all day and type numbers on my typer, and stare at screens, and go home a drink all night to fill the void where my soul used to be.” Oh I know, but without that rich guy sitting upstairs you would be worthless. I’m actually surprised you don’t need someone to help you feed yourself, which actually, the CEO has, its really a lot of work, you know, chewing and such.

Not like it maters anyway, you have to have a paycheck to get a payroll tax cut.